Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don’t.

so i made her a mixed signal tape

You Might Also Like


Other kids wanted to be astronauts or doctors, when I was little I wanted to be a horse calendar


Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I’m convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.


I wouldn’t ask a woman if she was pregnant even if I was performing a sonogram on her and the baby waved.


Me: I know it hurts, but you’ll learn to love again.

Sheep: I don’t know. I can’t even look at ewe right now.


Well tonight’s date night for me and the wife
I certainly hope we don’t run into each other


My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.


Son: Can we go to the beach?

Me: *dumps a bucket of sand down his shorts* There you go, bud.


My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.


Girls go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle


Got kicked off the police force for saying “Ooooooo, somebody’s in trouble” every time I made an arrest.