Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard…..
Beep beep beep
Beep beep beep beep
Road Runner and R2D2 having a conversation
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Her: why are you covered in egg
Me: I got into a fight
Her: did you win?
Me: yes It was over, easy
Says here on your resume that you’re unpredictable.
(I take a squirrel out of my pants dressed as Batman)
“That’s a rumor”.
I will never leave twitter.
Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you last month?
Me: The package said “Take on an empty stomach” so, not yet.
Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death.
Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.
“Its odd how the Church just lets
pedophile’s grant forgiveness”
Anyway…thats why I’m not allowed
in Confession anymore.
Writer: pet training with wild animals
Exec: thats already a thing
Writer: kids are the trainers
Exec: seems irresponsible
Writer: they keep them in magic balls until it’s time to fight for scout badges or something
that de-escalated quickly