“U put on suntan lotion?”
“Youll get sunburned!”
*sun descends, his voice echoes loudly*
“NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?”
Friend: Just don’t talk about your pants again
Me: Relax, I know how to flirt
Me: so I just unzip here and boom! shorts
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BUMPER STICKER IDEA: I had sex with my wife and all I got was this honor student.
I like my women like I like my coffee
Overpriced and bitter
*in a fight with my dr boyfriend*
HIM: I’m sorry about last night.
ME: *takes a bite of an apple*
I felt bad for the monster so once a week we switch and I sleep under the bed.
Parents: lying is bad
Also parents: if the ticket guy asks, you’re still 11
Boy: *Kissing girl on couch* You wanna take this upstairs?
Girl: Hehe sure baby
Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can’t carry it by myself
DOCTOR: Does it hurt when I do this?
*takes you out several times then acts distant*
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult.
So yeah….kids are stupid.