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@LittleSquid12: [before eggnog was invented]
wish i could gag but festively
"Tell me your weaknesses"
Me: Well, I..
*wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th
@est1975blog: I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it
@flashember: [alarm clock buzzing]
BIRD: [groaning] ah man it's too early
GOTH WORM: *bangs on window* Wake up you lazy sack of shit and eat my flesh
@Gooooats: Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he's my biological dog.
@tastefactory: When parents say to kids "go to ur room & think about what you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult