Him: i like you
Me: *wheels in whiteboard* let me break it down for you why that’s a bad idea
Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with “two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips.”
You Might Also Like
Asking your child to go get their sibling for dinner is just asking them to stand next to you and scream their sibling’s name.
2017: It can’t get worse than this
DAY ONE, 2018: A YouTube star filmed a dead body for entertainment
person on twitter: I’m being attacked right now!
me (played a lot of Age of Empires 2 in my formative years): im sending you some crossbowmen
Class action lawsuits are gangs for white people.
I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that.
Some lady at the gas station told me I was a giant prick, I smiled and said thanks….. I thought I was just average. 🍆😏
– My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog
Abraham Lincoln: If only I’d stayed in that night instead of going to that show.
Batman’s parents: Same.