@TheThomason: Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman.
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@Offensivehere: Me: lets go get a drink! Friend: what's the occasion? Me: ... Friend: ... Me: I don't understand the question.
@SteveDutzy: Clark Kent is such a hipster. He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn't seen Superman
@dave_cactus: ME: *walking through the park, minding my own business, carrying a small baggie full of poop* YOU: Where's your dog? ME: Why do people keep asking me that?!