I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to guess what medications you’re on.
Before he leaves for work, my husband whispers the 3 words I love to hear him say…
“I made coffee”
You Might Also Like
Crows are like if a witch decided “I’m a bird now, too”
Cow stumbles into a pot field. The steaks have never been higher.
My 8yo knows exactly how many hours are left until Christmas but can’t remember to flush the toilet.
Who called it a “Monk that can dunk” instead of an “Air Friar?”
Just read that the average woman goes on 7 diets in her lifetime and I was like “wtf” because I’ve been on 7 diets since lunch.
Anytime anyone says they want to see me topless I secretly hope they mean cut in half.
I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.
🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶
[whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd]
“Aw hell yeah!”
Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he’d gone deaf.