Age 10: monster
Age 25: sexy fireman
Age 35: sexy mobilization to end systematic oppression of underrepresented groups
Before I accept a new job I always ask where my statue will be erected.
You Might Also Like
Guy: “Do you have a lighter?”
Guy: “You smoke?”
Me: “No, you just never know when you’re gonna need to light someone on fire.”
Please pray for my teen who forgot to jump and touch the doorframe before entering a room today
My wife got four more Christmas presents for the dog than she did for me.
Jaws (1975): people started hating a shark for doing normal shark things
Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day.
Me: How many more until you get a personality?
Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.
The only thing more annoying than vegans who won’t shut up about being vegan is people who aren’t vegan who won’t shut up about vegans
I will put you in your place. -me to everything because OCD
If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.