@MarieLoerzel: Before I had kids I was going to be an awesome mom.
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@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
@ColoChiver: When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
@JediGigi: Me: [being murdered] Murderer: Ok you have got to stop smiling. It’s really starting to creep me out.