
My GFs good traits:
Young, gorgeous, incredible in bed and has a dragon
Bad traits:
Imaginary- but I overlook these because of the dragon
[before meditation]
I just wanna kill someone[after meditation]
and I know EXACTLY how
My GFs good traits:
Young, gorgeous, incredible in bed and has a dragon
Bad traits:
Imaginary- but I overlook these because of the dragon
me *stops crying*
doctor
me
doctor: And no more fast food
me *starts crying again*
I want to know what love is. I want you to show me. No, not you. You. On the left. Other left. No. Jesus Christ, I’ll do it myself.
“Real men like a woman with curves” – Fat Chicks
[googling recipes for success and checking the cupboard]
well I hope it calls for a 3 yr old bag of marshmallows
WAITER: room for dessert?
ME: no thanks, we’ll just eat it right here
rumpelstiltskin: your child is mine unless you can guess my name within three days
barista: oh no
[ looking at family pictures ]
Kid: where am I?
Me: you weren’t born yet
[ later ]
Kid: *drawing family*
Me: where’s mommy?
Kid: you weren’t born yet
Damn
*falls on hard times*
Hard times: Get off me.
me (under my breath): don’t let her know how awkward you are
date: what are you having
me: an ok time