@TheAlexNevil

Before you decide to have kids, ask yourself: is this apartment goat-friendly?

You Might Also Like

@MarkTConard

If dinosaurs were still alive, people would do a lot more running.

@TheCatWhisprer

Just read about something called “runner’s diarrhea” so no way am I ever running and taking that chance.

@TechnicallyRon

Keep yourself entertained during quarantine by taking daily mail comments and putting them on New Yorker cartoons to create your own satirical comics.

@TheAlexNevil

[man walks into a bar]

Horse bartender: Why the short face? SEE? SEE? IT’S NOT COOL!

@matsmoustache

I don’t even understand Fantasy Football.

There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks.

I call bullshit.

@WilliamAder

A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.

@Nocturnesthesia

Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread

@DestryBrod

If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail?

Taco bail.