@MarkTConard
If dinosaurs were still alive, people would do a lot more running.
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@MarkTConard
@TheCatWhisprer
Just read about something called “runner’s diarrhea” so no way am I ever running and taking that chance.
@TechnicallyRon
Keep yourself entertained during quarantine by taking daily mail comments and putting them on New Yorker cartoons to create your own satirical comics.
@TheAlexNevil
[man walks into a bar]
Horse bartender: Why the short face? SEE? SEE? IT’S NOT COOL!
@DumbConfessions
Yay summer!
*gets drunk outside*
Yay winter!
*gets drunk inside*
@matsmoustache
I don’t even understand Fantasy Football.
There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks.
I call bullshit.
@WilliamAder
A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.
@Nocturnesthesia
Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread
@slimmy_shady
Hey I worked for it too!
@DestryBrod
If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail?
Taco bail.