@DudeMass

Behold…the 4th horseman of the Apocalypse.

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@savvystrider

The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.

@rob5373

[Bags packed, leaving the ex]
Ex:”I hope you have a slow and painful death!”
Me:”So now you want me to stay?”

@nice_mustard

yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there’s a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you’ll wake him up

@UncleDuke1969

And The Bro saith unto them,
Follow me to the club,
and I will make you fishers of women.

Bromans 4:19

@VerifiedJayy

How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?

@gwatts77

If I donate blood and you’re in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don’t blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.

@champ_of_yuth

accidentally emailed my crush a bunch of pics of me in my karate uniform again