@baronvonbike

Being a dad is great. On Christmas morning I’m just as surprised as the kids when they open the presents we bought them.

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@BeTheCookie

I think the short sellers had it right with Game Stop. It’s a failing business. If you look closely at their actual business model it does not seem at all effective at stopping games.

@CandyEmpires

I’m no longer interested in self-discovery; I’m more interested in self-medication.

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1998. Sonny Bono was killed while skiing at Lake Tahoe nothing to do with him trying to leave Scientology nope nothing.

@lisaxy424

My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her “golden shower” so goodnight.

@Book_Krazy

Sorry I said “nice phone” when you showed me a photo of your baby.

@JustinGuarini

Have you ever accidentally ended a business call with “I love you?” Oh yeah me neither.

@ACartoonCat

It’s just really offensive because you know my name isn’t THAT difficult to pronounce and its SO DISRESPECTFUL and I am OUTRA…

friend: your name badge is on upside down