Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
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I thought IT was a movie about tech nerds. To me, that’s a lot creepier than a dumb clown with a red balloon.
I have no time for stupid people
But they sure do have time for me.
[while listening to halloween sounds cd I bought] spooky huh [friend on road trip with me] yeah but got anythin else its like a 6 hour drive
I told my 3 year-old that sometimes, sharing with his brother is the nice thing to do.
He replied with, “Are you sure about that?” Followed by a maniacal stare.
There is a reason creepy children are used as a theme in horror movies, people.
My kid: Ohana means family and family means no body gets left behind
Me: I don’t care what ohana means, you have 5 seconds to get your shoes on or we’re leaving without you
My nephew didn’t cry when Mufasa died so I stopped the movie. What is wrong with kids of today?
You really shouldn’t drive when you’re tired.
Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.
If you ask me to hold a bag of any kind of candy, all the red ones will be gone before you get it back.