@paperphotoyo

Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.

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@aveuaskew

Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.

@tsm560

I thought IT was a movie about tech nerds. To me, that’s a lot creepier than a dumb clown with a red balloon.

@dafloydsta

I have no time for stupid people

But they sure do have time for me.

@murrman5

[while listening to halloween sounds cd I bought] spooky huh [friend on road trip with me] yeah but got anythin else its like a 6 hour drive

@HomeWithPeanut

I told my 3 year-old that sometimes, sharing with his brother is the nice thing to do.

He replied with, “Are you sure about that?” Followed by a maniacal stare.

There is a reason creepy children are used as a theme in horror movies, people.

@Average_Dad1

My kid: Ohana means family and family means no body gets left behind

Me: I don’t care what ohana means, you have 5 seconds to get your shoes on or we’re leaving without you

@mR_Ewe_GuY

My nephew didn’t cry when Mufasa died so I stopped the movie. What is wrong with kids of today?

@MamaFizzles

Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.

@Gooooats

If you ask me to hold a bag of any kind of candy, all the red ones will be gone before you get it back.