@CanadianCyn: Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder.
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@WritePlay: ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that
@seanscrap: Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine.
@Gupton68: The only thing worse than discovering that celery is an aphrodisiac, is knowing that people who eat celery may actually have sex.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the bar] Me: Let’s settle this like men Him: *pulls out knife* Me: *rips off clothes to reveal racquetball outfit*