@seamussaid

being over 40 is like the movie speed but you can’t drop below 600mg of ibuprofen in your system

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@jctwritesstuff

Him: It’s like people are going feral.

Me: *looks in mirror*
*tries to run fingers through my hair*
*hand gets stuck in rat’s nest*
*flicks ham off my shirt*
*takes deep breath*
*straightens shoulders*
*lifts chin*

It’s finally my time to shine. I shall be their leader.

@HatfieldAnne

We’ve all talked about throwing a dirty dish away instead of washing it. But only some of us have done it.

@girl_a_whirl

The Sound of Music taught me if you don’t like your country’s regime, you & your family can safely escape through various musical numbers.

@PeterClayton6

My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.

@UncleDuke1969

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

I like big buts.

I can not lie.

@retsoor

them: how are you

you: [desperately aware that herds are necessary for survival] normal

@Feisty___One

I am not a ride or die chick.
I have questions. Where we going? Will there be food? Why do I have to die? Why didn’t you like my last pic?..

@Shenanigans_luv

Are chicken nuggets an emotion because i feel very chicken nuggets right now