@mdob11: [being pushed into the middle of a dance circle] please, I have a family
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@Carlie_Veenhuis: I was lifeguarding and a little boy threw his ball out of the water and his mom goes “maybe if you ask the pretty lifeguard she will grab the ball for you!” This kid looked me dead in the eye and goes “.....where’s the pretty one?” KIDS ARE RUTHLESS LMAO
@stephenjmolloy: Me: I got a job interview next week. Wife: Great news. You should update your wardrobe. Me: Okay.. *to the wardrobe* I got a job interview next week.