ME: i’m having a lovely time tonight
my date: why do u keep yelling “ME” before every sentence
Being wrong is most effective when done loudly.
You Might Also Like
I climbed on this seesaw with Rick Astley 3 hours ago.
He’s never gonna let me down.
I was watching a murder show set in Idaho and realized I had never been to Idaho and it looked so gorgeous so I said I would like to visit Idaho.
Husband, “You are by far the weirdest woman I have ever met.”
What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I’m gonna go over to her house and sort this out.
in marvel’s DEFENDERS, our heroes must combine their powers – being good at punching, punching people well, having strong punches, good punc
me: you take my breath away!
scuba instructor: sir, just give me the tank
Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.
Do sharks play the harmonica like
this or this
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
[couple tossing baby back and forth]
judge: custody granted
dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT