Stages of Candle Burning
1: this smells nice
2: still smells nice
3: this is all I can smell now
4: this is the only scent I have ever known
Benadryl smart as hell. U cant have allergies when u asleep for 7 hours
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I went out today
There were people there
0 out of 5 stars, wouldn’t recommend
She died as she lived. Listening to the story of what her kid watched on YouTube that day.
If you’re gonna offer free milk for coffee at a convenience store, don’t get all weird when I bring in a dry bowl of cereal.
[first day as a demon] *rotating my head around 360 degrees* WEEEEEE
Jesus: I can turn water into wine.
Aquarium: [loud drunken cheering]
Me: Girls’ night in!!!
Cat: I’m a cat.
Me: You’re my best friend.
Cat: I’m not even a girl cat.
Me: So it’s like a date?
Cat: Get help.
I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER
Me *checking restaurant bill* we’ll split this
Her: What, really?
Me: It’s fairer
Her: But I didn’t have wine
Me: You had dessert though
Her: I am 6 years old
Me: Get your money out
Yeah, this guy is wearing green-colored skinny jeans and he has a really hot girlfriend. So do I judge him…or her?