If you’re the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.
Best thing I’ve seen on Facebook all day: “I thought Ariana Grande was a font.”
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“Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?”
*throws pineapple against grocery store wall*
“Ah nuts that was a good one.”
Y’know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does.
Haven’t even received my $1,200 yet and I’m already worried about gold-diggers.
Did you survive the titanic based on your zodiac sign
If you cross a guinea pig with a hedgehog you get a pighog. I don’t make the rules
I’m easily the third toughest guy at this casino breakfast buffet.
Always remember…. A mirror never lies.
When the DJ asks if we are ready to party I sometimes lie & say yes even though I really need like 10 min to get ready
TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!!
*hands phone to T-Rex
T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.