Vampires have to scroll forever to get to their birth year
Beth on Facebook “Can’t believe its Monday again already”… if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
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Every time I think I’ve got the perfect family they escape.
Top 5 Zones
5 – Twilight
4 – O
3 – End
2 – In the
*crumples a hamburger next to the phone* sorry, i’m having trouble hearing u over this delicious hamburger noise call u later ok
ME: Don’t worry I have a particular set of skills
ME [making mice tuxedos] admittedly I don’t know how this will help
I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.
Date: What do you do?
Me: I’m a cleptozoologist
Date: That’s interest…wait, what??
Me: *is already stealing lobsters from the tank*
Of course I swallow it’s a basic function of eating. What kind of job interview is this anyway and why are there multiple cameras
I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.
Usain Bolt doesn’t know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.