Mockingbird: I imitate other birds.
Hummingbird: I make a humming noise. What do you do?
Betrayal Treasury, Age 5:
Instead of ice cream after my tonsillectomy, a lime popsicle, the texture of which I do not enjoy.
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When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”.
I’m the opposite of clingy, I’m spacious.
I think my cleaning people are stealing my paranoia medication.
Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They’re getting so tall!
“Hi can I just have a single burger?”
I’m sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship
“But that’s not eve-
Please show some respect
*Hands you a handbasket*
You know what to do…….
5: im so bored
me: you can go empty the trash cans, put your bike away, clean the kitchen
5: im not very bored though
Today, I shall mostly be drawing little moustaches and monocles on all the spermatozoa in the biology textbooks at the library.
Always amazed when I see people slip guns into the back of their pants. How is that comfortable? How do you not get a weapon wedgie?