As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be:
“Let me see your phone”
Better than a Justin Bieber concert:
1. Being deaf.
2. A rattlesnake bite.
3. Chewing razor blades.
4. Licking a public toilet seat.
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Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could’ve just gone outside and saved yourself $50.
So important your wife knows you’re petting the dog when she hears you say “you’re getting a little chunky”
JOKER ENDING EXPLAINED! those names were the people who worked on the film
Who called it an “insanity plea” and not a “loco motion”?
Me: “You flunked the labs & the midterm. You need 154% in the final to pass.”
Him: “So there’s still a chance?”
Me: “Let me ask my unicorn.”
I drink Rockstar cause I’m a rockstar. My wife drinks Monster.
*slips cheat map to my favorite nephew for the annual Easter egg hunt* Now remember, I get half the take.
Devil: Welcome to Hell. Do you know why you’re here?
D: Arianna, you told your kids they couldn’t have brownie dough because it would give them salmonella and then you ate that shit with your hands after they left.
M: AND ID DO IT AGAIN
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?