@causticbob

Beyonce: ‘Who run the world?’ Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.

Beyonce: ‘Who run the world?’ Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.

- @causticbob

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@KalvinMacleod

PERSONAL TRAINER: so how much do you bench?
ME: a fair bit but I usually bed or sofa.

@psybermonkey

King’s men: sorry your highness…we couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again

King (drunk af): let the horses try

@kirkfox

Pet peeve. Toilets that flush 4 me the moment I stand. I’d like to see the work I’ve done before it’s violently ripped from my view. #life

@baconacid

Mom u can stop cutting the crust off my bread now im in a gang

@PoorEvelyn

Queen Elizabeth is celebrating 60 years on the throne.

I assume it was something she ate.

@Tmoney68

My dancing style can best be described as “Guy On Maury Who Just Found Out He Isn’t The Father.”

@BBQJones28

Family cookouts are spent telling me to “stop…don’t say that”

@WilliamAder

“America’s Most Wanted” to return to the airwaves with an NFL edition.

@DothTheDoth

As your goth personal trainer, I urge you to stay in shape so that you can outrun your haunted past.

@nicfit75

It’s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.