*jumps on perpetually offended bandwagon*
*gets pushed off for laughing*
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I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.
Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I’d be more upset if it wasn’t saving me time in the morning
whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i’m doing god’s work
It’s OK people with a poor grasp of the English language, I’m a sex attic too.
Why are books the only thing advertised as “Wherever books are sold.” You can’t sell other stuff by saying “Wherever you get this shit, IDK”
*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. Now she’s a pearl diver in the Philippines & can afford her own damn dessert.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn’t want to go to the store…
I call loading the dishwasher “quantum physics” because no one else in this house knows how to do that either.