Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you’ve been seeing for less than a week.
Bigfoot keeps his legs in shape by doing sasquats
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[First Day As a Babysitter]
“Alexa, change the kid’s diaper”
Actually, I’d rather listen to your dog barking than you yelling at it to stop.
A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours.
What are WE?
What are WE gonna do?
When are WE gonna do it?
Ooh look a (Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube) notification. Probably later!
Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. “A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago”
I’ll bet crowds were super disappointed every time Abraham Lincoln took the stage & didn’t pull a rabbit out of that hat.
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I’d own this place.
Nobody gracefully gets out of a beanbag chair.
Chairman: Please, introduce yourself
Eminem: Hi! My name is..
E: My name is..
E: Hi! My name is..