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@prufrockluvsong

Nobody:

Nobody:

Nobody:

Nobody:

Me: ahhh my severed head collection is coming along nicely

@TheIronSherk

My girl has been eating a lot of Mexican fast food and gaining tons of weight lately, but I’ll never stop loving her

She’s my Taco Belle

@hazelmotes1

I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I’m shocked by your behavior.

@walks_on_legs

What is this special type of waffle called a “Tennis racket” and why does it taste like metal wires?

@maughammom

Either my daughter has pink glitter in her hair or head lice is way more fabulous than I remember.

@CruisinSoozan

She looks like she does what the voices in her underwear tell her to do.

@SondraDeeMe

If you had let me finish, yes your baby looks like a disgruntled employee, but I meant of the month.