If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he become a werewolf permanently?
Bird of peace?
Bird of war?
Bird of true love?
..wait for it…
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SATAN: Turn these stones into bread
SATAN: Turn them into raspberry swirl cheesecake
JESUS: [clenching eyes shut] No
“I feel your pane”- Guy walking into your window.
cop: do you know why i pulled you over
me: [through foam mascot head] ya
Me: Good night Moon
Me, climbing out of lunar module two weeks later: Did you get my text?!
My family wanted a Disney experience so I charged them $150 to stand in a line for three hours before taking our daughter to the bathroom.
Air Bud seems like a great movie, until you realize some poor kid was cut from the team to make room on the roster for a golden retriever
MSNBC: Racist gets what he deserves!
FOX: What’s next, thought crimes?
CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird
“Do what your gut says”
– well, right now , its Telling me i need to stop eating Pizza
Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won’t open.