@QwertyJones3
Seems to me the guy who named sneakers was up to no good.
@Ygrene
Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*
Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird
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@QwertyJones3
@The_Mentalyst
I never understand women. One minute they love guys who play the guitar, one minute they are chasing me out of the women’s restroom.
@bornmiserable
the gym I’ve been going to isn’t helping me lose weight at all, damn you Pizza Hut Gym
@ohcourtneyno
I’m single by choice…of others.
@SvnSxty
Splinter: ok I’ve made some coloured disguises for you all
Donatello: to protect our identities?
Splinter: exactly Raphael
Michaelangelo: lol he’s not Raphael
Splinter: sorry you’re right Leonardo
Raphael: master, that’s not-
Splinter: just put them on please
@aligarchy
it’s weird that the skin that holds in all the organs of our body can be opened with a sharp piece of paper seems like a huge design flaw
@IshJibber
Oh, you’ve got 99 problems?
Amateur.
@meganamram
Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Also, no outside food, they are so strict about that.
@bobvulfov
ZUCKERBERG: im ready to answer any questions u might have about facebook
84-YEAR-OLD SENATOR: excellent. mr zuckerberg my farmville farm needs more pigs but i cannot figure out where to purchase them