@UnFitz: Bisexuals are lucky. To the rest of us, life is a restaurant where you're allergic to half the items on the menu.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Kendragarden: I said "Margarita" 3 times in the mirror instead of "Bloody Mary" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them.
@meladoodle: Hate it when dudes say "leave something to the imagination!" like what do you think is under my clothes? a mystery prize? a pumpkin? Obama?
@tsunami__7: Worst part about going to work this morning was the look on my dog's face that said "sucks for you, I'm going back to sleep".
@MrGeorgeWallace: Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.