@Scorpio1080: Black Friday: Because Only in America, People trample others for Sales the day after being thankful for what they already have
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@KeetPotato: [valentine's day] gf: [reading my txt] "keith just said he's going to give me 92 minutes of pleasure tonight" her friend: "oh wow" [later watching shrek 2] me: "you look disappointed"
@notacroc: Waiter: and for you? Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
@coIIegestudentz: College parties are great: You're taking shots with future doctors and the next Supreme Court judge is throwing up in the bathroom.