Black Friday through the years:

2005: 5am
2010: 3am
2012: 12am
2013: Thursday 8pm
2014: Thursday
2020: 4th of July

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Sometimes I pet a cat just to make it bathe itself all over again


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Why don’t those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?


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What percentage of the zombies are just chasing you down to tell you they’re vegan?


To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon…


Always have a fake name at the ready so you don’t tell the cops something stupid, like “Andrew Granola.”