@UncleDuke1969

Black magic is just like regular magic, but with bigger wands.

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@aveuaskew

Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.

@AmericanGent69

My 4 year old niece won’t eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.

@MichaelTrying

I wish I had the confidence of the people strategizing their lottery numbers for five minutes in front of me in line at the gas station.

@aveuaskew

Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.

@lecalabara

I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.

@nayele18maybe

My prescription isn’t ready, so three toddlers at this pharmacy just learned the F word.

@momTruthBomb

All the baby books tell you that infants need to eat every 2 to 3 hours, but what they fail to mention is that this behavior continues until the child turns 18 and moves out of your house.