@TigNotaro: Blanket apology to everyone I’ve begged to go camping after two drinks. It was too intense and I do not own a tent.
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@silent_musings: My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
@CopBroughtPizza: [galileo's wife walks in] *quickly pointing the telescope from the neighbor's window to the sky* i was just studying the... phases of venus.
@itshotterhere: Apparently, if you jump out of a plane wearing parachute pants, it doesn't break your fall at all. But you can carry about a hundred combs.