My husband made me a really romantic dinner once. When I finished cleaning the kitchen a week later, I warned him never to do anything like that to me ever again.
ER Doctor: do you know your blood type?
ME: I’ve never really thought about it TBH. As long as it has a good personality
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Cashier: what’s with all the pineapple juice?
-Spends the night making delicious umbrella drinks with my cat.
One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies
Sex so mediocre, she makes you a blandwich…
“That was supposed to be a compliment.”
“Can you hold scissors?”
“Welcome to SuperCuts”
Somebody in my gang is an undercover police horse. I’ve narrowed it down to Dave, Kyle and Sugarcube
Regardless of how strange your life can be, at least you’re not the h in chameleon.
Dad Unleashes Haunting Moan Of Satisfaction Upon Descending Into Hot Tub
It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it’s viewers. #TWDfinale