My boss threw a Snickers at me and I caught it one handed so I think I’d be a good athlete if sports were played with candy bars
Me: [text] I’m down at the end of the bar, wearing a suit
Me: *wearing hazmat suit, waves with gloved hand*
You Might Also Like
please enjoy this masterpiece I spent way too long creating
Judge: “Your word is unhelpful.”
Kid: “Can you use it in a sentence please?”
Remember when you were at a friend’s house & their folks fought & you didn’t know where to look? It’s how I get when Glee does a rap song…
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat.
Day two of homeschooling.
I am leaving my student to fend for herself, so I may hunt for essentials. Like more wine.
Irony is how Jesus is too Liberal for most of his own Fan Clubs
Found my bra in the garden. Wish it was from wild sex but I think my cat dragged it out the cat flap.
*while scrolling Facebook
I’m so glad Congress is going to make Facebook protect my data!
*clicks on “What Harry Potter character is your social security number?”