@MsMosman: Blocked a someone with "Social Media Specialist | Online Reputation Manager" in their bio just to mess with their head. And it's douchy.
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@hiimmatts: VILLAIN: Hello, Mr. Bond. I've been expecting- BOND: OMG congrats! How far along are you? V: What? No- B: Have you picked out a name yet?
@Angibangie: Me: Do you have assorted cheeses? Mom [exactly right next to me]: A sword of jesus? Me: Yes ma, did you have a sword of jesus? Dad [from down the hall]: We have lots of cheese in the top drawer of the fridge!
@KyleMcDowell86: HER: Im breaking up with u ME: Is it because I say "Uh Oh Spaghetti O's" when things go wrong? HER: Ya ME:(under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's
@EndhooS: [1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]