@_mindflakes

(boom boom clap)
(boom boom clap)
Daisy you’re a dog you’re a good dog
Playing in the park
Gonna eat some cool bugs today

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@SequelsWeWant

2001 A Space Odyssey 2

The spaceship returns

HAL is just as uncooperative as ever.

He never works.

He becomes the basis for Windows 10.

@Nicoleroxxu

One more glass of wine and my “only a lesbian from the waist up” rule is about to go out the window.

@sixthformpoet

How many Happy Meals do you need to eat before they start to work? I’ve just had six and I feel terrible.

@shadygrenade

Magician: an ordinary deck of cards right?
Guy in front row: that’s a ham.
Magician: [whispers to assistant] get eagle eyes out of here.

@Beer_Blonde_

A younger man said I have a smokin hot body for an older woman…

I’m not sure if I should thank him or put him in a time-out.

@TheMichaelRock

Look, all I’m saying is that the dinosaurs didn’t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.

@DaHess1

The Les Miserables sequel is so much better. Hugh Jackman has knives in his hands and fights a bunch of ninjas and shit. No singing at all!!

@ArfMeasures

*sees “The customer is always right” sign*

*the waiter sees me looking at it and mouths “not you”*

@Mormonger

Elon Musk: Inhabiting Mars is the only hope we have of saving the human race

Jesus: LOL