‘We both know you need to pee:’
~the monster under my bed
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“Daddy, did you know Pluto was recently reclassified as a dwarf planet, or plutoid?”
“Sweetie, I’m pretty sure he’s a dog.”
What’s something you had to put on “pause” for lockdown? I guess for me it’s picking up my kid from a birthday party.
“I’m so hungry I could eat a-”
*walks by burger joint*
“nope, had one yesterday”
*walks by hot dog stand*
*walks by stable*
If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch ’50 Shades Of Grey’ or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?
my birthday is a month from today and all i want is this
wife: I am having an affair
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I’ll have the affair as well
When you wear a cardigan for the very first time it’s just called a card
Damnnnnn gurl… I wanna to take you back to my place, get you alone and just do work on your grammar.