DID YOU KNOW: If you don’t eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?
BOSS: can i ask u a question
ME: you just did
ME: because that was a question
ME: when you said “can i ask u a question.” that was a question.
BOSS: why are u in the fish tank
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That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
Can’t wait to get my first kiss this Christmas under the missile toe 😘😂
BRIDE: *tosses her wedding bouquet in my direction*
ME: *dives out of the way*
“How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?”
– Not in a kids movie, dude.
“Ok, but it’s puppy skin?”
– Oh, then YES!
Me: *types* “Stupid auto correct loves making me look like an idiot.”
*Autocorrects to* “You’re doing a good job of that yourself.”
The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, “Duck”. His mother slaps him.
Your password must contain a character still living in Game of Thrones
SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year
ME: what the hell are you talking about
Ghost:You’ve been here a week
Me: I like you
G:You knew what this was
M: I thought I was your boo
G: I say that to everyone