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@: boss: can i see you in my office
me: [sheathing sword] why
@DanMentos: "Dave just showed up"
Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations?
*Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF
"Yeah I dunno"
@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is if you don't want me to walk into the women's restroom put words not pictures on the doors...
@KingsnorthAP: Prove you're not a robot by typing two words that sounds like they were doodled on a toilet cubicle by a schizophrenic
@blade_funner: Friend: Have you seen a cockatoo?
Me: I've seen more than two.
@_mcgoof: Why are there 2 dragon smileys on Whatsapp?
"He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head."
"No babe, this calls for a full dragon."