@stephenjmolloy: Boss: "Do you know why I've called you into my office?"
Into My Office: "Because that's my name?"
Boss: "Yes, that's right."
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@Fickle_Filly: 7am: *starts diet* 7pm: *eats the house*
@kendragaylord: How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
@stephenjmolloy: Barber: Snip snip snip snip snip. Me: What are you doing? Barber: I've lost my scissors and I was hoping I could trick you into thinking I was cutting your hair by saying snip. Me: I can see you in the mirror.
@Ideal_Victoria: A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room.
@OkieGirl405: Kids: you burned the popcorn Me: you gave me stretch marks Being a mom is easy
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