@WilliamAder

Boss: Let’s be frank.
Me: Dibs on “Sinatra.”

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@Marlebean

Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I’m so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it’s my husband.

@h0sh1ko

GUYS THE TEQUILA KARAOKE GUY MADE IT TO AMERICA’S GOT TALENT AND ACTUALLY GOT FOUR YESES IM CRYING

@caliluvgirl77

If I wasn’t supposed to drink alcohol with NyQuil, then why did it come with a shot glass?

@MrMichaelSpicer

I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase ‘jumping on the bandwagon’ got really annoyed when everyone else started using it.

@TheIronSherk

[Ouija board]

O spirits, let me talk to m-

C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I

*squints*

What the heck?

A 3G board?

@PhuckinCody

BANK ROBBER: everyone on the ground and drop whatever is in your hands!!

ME: [holding a $9 Starbucks coffee, a tear rolls down my cheek] no

@IamEveryDayPpl

The word “karaoke” comes from an old Chinese proverb meaning: “go home, you’re drunk.”

@mattgallo123

Meditation is fun when you want to do nothing for an hour but still feel a sense of accomplishment.