
using microsoft word
*moves an image 1 mm to the left*
all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
Boss: ok just bear with me
*I growl and start clawing the air*
B: wtf are you doing
Me: I..You said..
B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
using microsoft word
*moves an image 1 mm to the left*
all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
[sees huge guy at the gym]
Me: do you take steroids
*guy spends 15 minutes talking me thru his diet plan*
Me: when do you eat the steroids
“I do not negotiate with little kids”
My husband, right before he broke down and gave the kid what he wanted
Enable location? Seriously, Twitter? Have you met some of these folks?
Learned today that it’s about 12 min after realizing there’s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are
Son: Being an adult is easier
Me: No way, childhood is
Both: I WISH WE COULD SWITCH PLACES
*Shooting star flies overhead*
Son: Wait this sucks
Me: No take backs
the bachelor: i will date twenty four other women in front of ur face
contestant: ok
the bachelor: u can’t get jealous tho
contestant: i mean i feel like i might get jealous
the bachelor: lol ok katie
contestant: it’s jennifer
*Feels the cool breeze caressing my skin*
Cool breeze: I have a girlfriend
Fun bible fact: No records exist of Jesus’ life from age 12 to 30 because he was backpacking across Europe with his pet Pterodactyl
*Deserted Island*
Other Survivor: We should only use our water for emergencies
Me: *waiting for my sponge dinosaurs to expand* Agreed