True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.
Boss: tomorrow is pajama day at work.
Me: I don’t wear pajamas
B: just wear whatever you sleep in
M: ok, you asked for it.
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I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have:
Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
*time travels to the 1950s*
Me: …and it’ll change the world forever. I call it the Internet
1950s person: incredible! How does it work?
Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener.
The walls in my panic room are painted beige so I’m panicking but bored about it.
Her: I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you
*she stabs me
She: Yes I did. You never listen.
JUDGE: your word is “bananas”
GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes
Me: Can I get you a drink? Her: I have a boyfriend. Me: Lady, I’m the bartender.
Good morning, here are some ABBA songs that could also be about Mario:
• Mamma Mia
• Money, Money, Money
• Super Trooper
• Name of the Game
• I’ve Been Waiting For You
• The Winner Takes It All
Please let me know if there are any more.