Ouija™ board by Milton Bradley – because if anyone can bridge the gap between the living and the dead, it’s the folks who brought you Hungry Hungry Hippos.
BOSS: You forgot my birthday didn’t you?
ME: *lighting candle* No what gave u that idea?
BOSS: idk maybe that candle stuck in a urinal cake?
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If you’re testing me, we failed.
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Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I’ll put some clothes on too.
*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it’s nest*
HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!
Me: mmm daddy, all up in there
Priest: it’s “our father who art in heaven”
CDC: Clean commonly touched surfaces
Wife: I don’t meet these criteria
1) def don’t kill
2) no stealing, obvs
3) don’t say my name? idk
4) luv ur neighbs!
5) but don’t LOVE-love them, that’s bad
Superman: I have super strength
Flash: I have super speed
Aquaman: I control sea creatures
Green Arrow: I tell cars when to turn left
I’m gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it