Jimmy Bathwater, 27 of Howdon, pleaded guilty to roundhousing a seagull out the sky. He was fined £300 despite how impressive that sounds
Boss: You’re not fired but we’re taking away all your responsibilities.
Me: Cool, a promotion!
Me: Sounds like a promotion to me.
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If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.
Aquafina is Spanish for “tap water in a plastic bottle”
“College is a cycle of having absolutely nothing to do… to having every possible paper, exam and project due in one day.”
I’ve been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it’s an ancient nerd burial ground
Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
aragorn: you have my sword
legolas: and my bow
gimli: and my axe
WHO: omg please stop sharing your stuff
Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
How did I get out of Iraq? Iran.
Outkast: Ok now ladies!
OK: I wanna see y’all on your baddest behavior!
Me: *slowly incurs $18.37 in overdue library fees*