“Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?”
? ????? ?? ????? ???? ?????
Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’
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me(being given hot dog factory tour): so if i fell in this vat & died it would pretty much taste the same
tour guide: almost certainly keith
A long time ago a wine expert said ‘it has an okay flavor’ but the guy heard ‘oaky flavor’ & now people want their wine to taste like trees
Did you guys know on average 3 confused cannibals get punched in the face a year because they say yes to wanting a knuckle sandwich
Every time I think the younger generation is stupid, I remind myself that we took a long time to figure out that WWF was all fixed !!
her: i’m a cat person
me: name one part of u that’s cat, Becky
My daughter got a sticker from her teacher that said ‘resilient tortoise.’
I’ve sent her in with one to give in return, ‘patronizing hippo.’
It is a truth universally acknowledged that no two people have the same interpretation of the words “We need to leave in ten minutes.”
Relationships are just two people scrolling through Netflix saying “I don’t care, just pick something” until they both turn into skeletons.
Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don’t want my own husband, so I sure as hell don’t want yours.