Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
bouncer: can’t let you in. try the place 5 minutes down the road
guy: do you know who i am?! i’m usain bolt!
bouncer: oh sorry, 2 minutes down the road
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Giving away valuable art secrets.
There’s a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there’s pulp in their orange juice.
If you think I’m sexy now wait till you see me eat a cheeseburger with no hands.
I’m just eating cereal out of a bucket now, like a horse
Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
“I’m not like other girls,” she said dipping her lipstick into a bowl of ranch dressing and eating it whole
Mikey: I’m Michelangelo. That’s Leo.
Donny: I’m Donatello. That’s Leo.
Leo: I thought I was Raphael.
– Why they wear masks
There better be a martial arts tournament in Australia called Mortal Wombat
There’s a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out.
She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her.