@PoshTick

bouncer: can’t let you in. try the place 5 minutes down the road

guy: do you know who i am?! i’m usain bolt!

bouncer: oh sorry, 2 minutes down the road

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@BoogTweets

Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?

@laurenmacdonald

There’s a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there’s pulp in their orange juice.

@delusions_of

If you think I’m sexy now wait till you see me eat a cheeseburger with no hands.

@celiafink

“I’m not like other girls,” she said dipping her lipstick into a bowl of ranch dressing and eating it whole

@noogscorner

Splinter: Leo.
Mikey: I’m Michelangelo. That’s Leo.
Donny: I’m Donatello. That’s Leo.
Leo: I thought I was Raphael.

– Why they wear masks

@GFGander

There better be a martial arts tournament in Australia called Mortal Wombat

@AnitaHelmet

There’s a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out.

She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her.