“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took a nap until I finally heard a car coming.”
BOWSER: Yo man, remember that time I kidnapped your girlfriend and sent like 2000 of my goons to try and kill you? Then you broke into my house and dumped me in the lava?
BOWSER: Haha OK cool, you want to ride go karts later?
MARIO: I sure do!
You Might Also Like
DATE: Let’s go to your place.
ME: We’ll take my car *pulls out Hot Wheels car*
ME: Just kidding.
DATE: Oh, thank God.
ME: I don’t have a place. I’m homeless.
My kids always seem to underestimate the length of my freakishly long arms when they start a fight while I’m driving.
Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this.
Can’t wait for Game of Thrones to come back because I miss civilized political discourse.
“Now, remember,” I say, waving my tweezers. “You eyebrows aren’t twins; they’re nearly identical cousins trying to outdo each other in order to become executor of their grandfather’s will.”
Judge: You have power of attorney?
Me:*curling two briefcases* Pfft. What do you think, bruh?
Hey maybe the dark matter in the universe is actually all the money that is owed to freelancers.
My calendar says there’s a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you’d think people would be more excited.